ANIMORPH SURVIVOR
by Gem Stoned
Summary: Oh no! Not ANIMORPHS SURVIVOR! Can the Animorphs Outwith, Outplay and Outlast Visser Three? Ft. Jeff *sigh* Probst & George W. Bush.


Author's Note: I wrote this story last year December and I only just finished it when I was 

**Author's Note**: I wrote this story last year December and I only just finished it when I was 

cured of Writer's block. With coke (coca cola! Really!). You know how people say they find flames funny? Lies, lies, lies. I wonder how many people read the Author's notes. Hmmm.

    "This is Gem Stoned reporting for the Yeerk News Network," Gem said, "I'm here at the 

Visser stadium where a great activity is going to take place." Gem looked nervously behind her 

back, then back at the camera, then lowered her voice to less than a whisper, "the ultimate 

test... the Animorphs are going to try and outwit, outplay and outlast Visser Three. No, this isn't 

some sick episode of Survivor. It's a whole lot more dangerous ..."

    Jeff Probst appeared out of nowhere, then gave the camera his 'dashing eye' look that made 

all fall in love with him. "Welcome. I'm Jeff Probst," he said smoothly, "there are three 

objectives. Outwit, meaning the Animorphs should try and make Visser Three cry. Outplay, 

meaning the Animorphs should try and beat Visser Three in a game of chess, outlast... the 

hardest, and most dangerous one, The Animorphs should try and win a staring match! Aah!" Jeff 

ran off into the sunset.

    "Well, that was interesting," Gem commented, "the first Animorphs up is... Marco!"

Marco stepped into the ring where Visser Three was standing, "Hiya, Visser."

    Hmmph. Visser Three mumbled and clenched his fists.

    "Outwit!" Jeff Probst yelled, "outplay!" and... "outlast!!!"

    "You have approximately 10 seconds to make a tear drop from that rock hard face!"

    Marco started thinking, "Look at you!" he yelled, "blue fur and everything, you ugly!"

    "Times up, Marco. It's ovah."

    Marco was dragged to a deep dark pitt with everything from George W. Bush to Michael 

Jackson (eeek!).

    "Next."

    Cassie jumped into the ring. "Outwit, outplay, outlast!"

    "Visser, I know you've had a har..." she was interrupted by Jeff Probst who threw her out of 

the ring.

    "Ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ext."

    Rachel climbed into the ring. "Outwit, outplay and OUTLAST!!!"

    Rachel smiled at the Visser and ... "Boohoo!" he wailed, "Boohoo!"

    "Now it's time to Outplay, Jake, come on in." Jake stepped into the ring where a chessboard 

was in the center, "C'mon, bay-bee!"

    Don't call me baby. Suddenly Visser Three started doing pop dance steps.

    "Aaaaaaaaaah!" Jake screamed and fainted.

    Jeff Probst stepped over Jake and smiled, "Sorry Jack. Those things happen." The producer 

ran up to Jeff and whispered something into his ears. "Oh, I mean Jerry ...er... Jane? Jackson? 

Jael?" suddenly Jeff was being dragged to the pitt where Marco was. Marco had only managed to 

stay alive by telling Al Gore jokes to Georgie Porgie ("Georgie, please. George W. Bush sounds 

so dumb!" George had told Marco)

    "What'd I do?" Jeff screamed.

    "Er... sorry for that interruption," Gem said, "time to outlast, baybee!" Tobias stepped onto 

the ring, "OUTWIT, OUTPLAY and OUTLAST!"

    Hey Viscera , Tobias said, That's what the spell check says. There's no Visser in the 

English dictionary, you know. The outlast scene started. Tobias and the Visser looked into 

each other's eyes.

    "Hey," someone in the crowd whispered, "do hawks even blink?"

    Soon that sentence was being repeated by everyone in the crowd. And Tobias broke, OK! 

OK! We don't blink! So what? Does it really matter, in the words of Gem Stoned, "Hey, who 

cares!" ("Hrrffff," Forlay growled from the crowd.) So people, can't we all just get along?

Tobias was kicked off the ring and sold to Hamburger King. "Um ... no cheating here. That's a 

fact," Gem said, "next we have de Ax man."

    "Outwit! Outplay! Outlast!" Ax stepped onto the ring and they started. It took ages! Ages I 

tell you: three years, five months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, twenty minutes, fifteen 

seconds and twelve milliseconds. To be exact. Until Visser Three finally blinked. It was being 

viewed by the entire world (they were watching because they wanted to go to bed) and the 

second before it finally happened the HBO cameraman fell asleep and the camera fell to the 

ground and broke. To think, he was broadcasting it to the entire universe (even the Taxxon 

home world likes to keep in touch, can you blame them?).

    "Yey! Yey! Yey!" Gem yelled, "I've finally got 12% shares in Microsoft!" The producer 

slapped Gem, "Oh, oh. Sorry. Ax has won. Yey." she said dryly, "I have to go to bed. I can't feel 

my toes!" The crowd all except Rachel left. "Oh! Ax, you were ever so good!"

    I know. I know.

    "Let's go to McDonalds to celebrate!"

    I think the entire staff died of starvation last year.

    "That's what happens when you spend three years watching a weirdo TV show."

    I know. Survivor sucks.

    "Let's go to Gem's house, she owes us. By the way, where's Marco?"

    No idea.

In the pit

    "What d'you mean you don't want to hear anymore West Wing jokes? Georgie! Georgie! 

There's no need for violence-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"


End file.
